tdog blog.

Pre-unzipping

You ladies in the house might not be aware of this, but there is a portion of the male population who upon entering (and occasionally even before entering) a public restroom, with the intent to use a urinal, begin unzipping their fly before they reach the actual plumbing fixture. Now, I'm not a fellow who does this, but regardless this, um, technique seems to present two problems:

1. With their hands down at their crotch, it looks like these guys are holding themselves, in the manner of a toddler who hasn't yet mastered the art of internal bladder restraint. Considering the particular environment, this seems like it would be embarrassing.

2. What happens when all the urinals in the restroom are occupied? Do they just stand there, pants ajar? Or do they re-zip to try to maintain some decorum? Either way seems awkward.

Another behavior I've noticed is that some guys stand at the urinal with their hands at their hips, elbows spread wide, looking down at their business. This has the effect of making them look like the Colossus of Rhodes or somebody peering down at what passes beneath them: "You down there! Do my bidding! Into this sacred basin release my golden flow! I doth decree it." It just looks weird.

My point is, I don't like urinals.

Here’s a something more for you. Sometimes i’m in such a rush to finish up, that i flush before i’m really done my business. This presents an interesting challenge. I can either:

1. rush to finish up before the flush is complete.

2. or flush a second time.

Neither is a good option really. Normally i rush to finish, but end up bumbling it and peeing on the wall.

Just a thought.

Comment #1: Ryan, don’t watch guys in the bathroom. Especially don’t write in a public forum that you notice other guys while they are going. That’s why the rest of us freeze up wondering… “dude. is he watching me?”

Comment #2: Tim don’t ever rush it man. No good can come of rushing.

Comment #3: Coolest move for peeing is leaning against the side wall of the end urinal and peeing.

Comment #4: Lamest move is leaning against the side wall and missing the end urinal.

Comment #5: Guys who use stalls instead of urinals to pee just make me think they are peeing all over the seat I might need to use.

Comment #6: (for the ladies) Aiming is not easy! Its very unpredictable.

I think that sums it all up

Also there is this for brushing up on your skills.

http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal

Why we ever moved away from a simple hole in the ground for public restrooms, I’ll never know. They’re easy to use, assuming you can crouch, but for someone my size I’m pretty much crouching to sit on most toilets anyway. They’re easy to hose down. They’re cheap.

Urinals are nasty. Not only do they splash in all but a very few angles of attack, but from the mess all over the floor of most men’s rooms, it is apparent that they don’t really capture a large portion of the urine.

Toilets are even worse. It shouldn’t be possible to urinate on the seat. Why aren’t they spring loaded into an upright position so that only by sitting on them are they held down? For some reason, very few people enjoy placing their bare ass where a lot of strangers have also placed their bare ass. And that’s a best case scenario!

Don’t get me started on stall design.

I hear that the splash issue is one that can be solved.

I agree with josh on most of his points though. And in particular, men who only use stalls and watch what other men are doing are hardly men at all.

Alow me to address some of your points Josh:

Re: Comment #1: I’m not watching guys in the bathroom. I just happen to work at a building where there are large public bathrooms in which the urinals are positioned opposite the mirror and the sink. Unless you suggest I wash my hands with my eyes closed or something, I can’t really avoid noticing guys with their arms splayed out like they’re doing the chicken dance. As for the other situation, if somebody comes into the restroom grabbing their crotch, I pay attention — it could be a sign of trouble. Like, maybe that guy just got shot in the junk. Or maybe there’s a rabid dog out there. I need to know these things before I step back outside.

Re: Comment #3: Correction: the coolest move for peeing is leaning against the side wall of the end urinal and peeing in the urinal at the other end.

Re: Comment #5: In fact, as “Oh, to squat” refers to, the urinals here at Y! are of such an inferior design as to actually create a good deal of splashback. I don’t like leaving the bathroom with visible splatter on my knees. I’ve tried various techniques and positions to avoid this, but to no avail. So I tend to use the stall. Although you are correct: I do pee all over the toilet. But that’s why I lift the seat.

If it’s truly that difficult to aim, can’t you just wipe up any mess you might make? I once dated a guy who not only did not lift the seat, but he peed on it and DIDN’T wipe it off! Good grief. My lovely toilet seat. That was a deciding factor in ending our relationship.

Tim, now all your friends can hate me. I can’t believe I commented on this.

I’m not saying its impossible to aim. I’m just saying there are a lot of varibles involved and sometimes, little time for calculations. Granted lifting the toilet seat up and cleaning up, if necessary, are vital in maintaining any relationship.

Well, this has been a fascinating introduction into a world I never knew existed!

Ryan, womens bathrooms are not any more normal - and more annoying in some ways. I have been at my new job 2 weeks - I don’t really know anyone’s names, much less their voices. The womens bathroom here has 2 stalls. I went to the bathroom today - and someone was using one stall, so I went in the other. The woman next to me asked who I was, and proceded to start a conversation with me (she never mentioned who she was). She apparently planned to be there a while. I don’t really like talking to people I know while I am in the bathroom - much less relative strangers.

I was thinking about this when i was in the bathroom the other day, and i’m just glad people don’t pre-zip before they are done peeing.

One of the more disturbing things about moving from Be to Palm was noticing the PalmOS System Sounds emanating from within the stalls. Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Newspapers I can understand…but PDAs? This is not a scenario I took into account when redesigning the OS.